You Are Enough

I am no longer a Fox, but fully and completely a Carraway! Al Carraway-  here's to happiness with a companion! Still will be blogging. Still making videos. Recording audio this week for our newest video that we've been trying to get done for a while now. It's coming, I promise! I'm really excited for many reasons. One being, the topic. Any guess what it is? Two- being, did any of you noticed that I said "our" and "we"?
I definitely married above myself.  I strive to have as much faith as he does, and to be the example that he is. I'm confident that if others knew him, they would be askin him to give Firesides and not me. Seriously.

I am proudly, and far beyond excited, to introduce to you, Benjamin Carraway. Best friend. Companion. And husband. Here's to a life with no longer "I's" and "me's", but "our's" and "we's." 


It's funny, I never put thought into getting married until I got baptized. I joked saying I swallowed some of the baptism water, because quickly after then I had thoughts of, "Where's my husband?!" Haha. And exactly 4 years later, to the date, I got married and sealed. How's that for a baptism anniversary! A few short months after my baptism, Elder Krause and Elder Richardson gave me a lesson on Eternal Marriages- one of them said that in their Patriarchal Blessing their future wife is preparing from him right now. I decided right then and there that I was going to do that too. I knew the only way to do that is to become as close to the Lord and I possibly could. They also made me write a letter to my future spouse, which was a little awkward at first not knowing who he was at the time, but proved to be an awesome thing. It was the start of 2010 I did that, right before I would pack up my life into a 2-Door Alero Oldsmobile and drove across the country to UT, for who knows why at the time, where I would eventually meet him 3.5 years down the line. 

It wasn't until Utah that my life took a turn in a direction I didn't even know was a possibility for myself. The closer I became to my Savior and Father, (not just because of my future spouse, but out of pure joy and desire,) the more my I started doing things I never thought I could ever do. Not once has things gone the way I had in mind, which can be really difficult at times- you have those fleeting thoughts of if God truly cares about you, or if He actually listens to your prayers and knows you- but how grateful I am that they did not go the way I had in mind. Because they have been profoundly better.  Looking the way that I do and moving to Utah, I had it in the back of my head that I would never get married because of the looks and reactions I would get. But I knew that nothing should override my initial and prominent goal: to live and share the gospel. To love and live for my God. Never would I let what I didn't have get in the way of that. Never would I let a change of course take away from the unchangeable truth that if I were trying, I would be blessed. I would be taken care of, no matter what.

Life is hard. Strength wasn't as strong as I needed it to be some times. Times where it was so hard I would lay on my floor yelling at Him. Asking Him where He was. Telling Him I can't do this, whatever it was at the time. But my commitment was never wavering. Had I not made that promise to myself and to God, I'm not sure if I'd be where I am today, doing the things I'm doing.  Sometimes, forcing myself to use this faith that I didn't think I had, but using every bit of me to never lose sight of the faith that I did have. Sometimes grasping to it with every bit of energy that was left, sometimes it seemed by my fingertips and someone was pulling me by the ankles in the opposite direction. Holding on to blessings I had received and what I had read in the scriptures. That if I put Him first, if I put God first, everything else would fall in to place. That I would be blessed from my efforts of trying, not perfection. That I would be taken care of with what I can do, and not compared to someone else’s strengths or weaknesses. Just mine. That I wouldn't know and strengthen if I didn't experiment with His word. That I wouldn't be helped if I didn't act. If I didn't do. The only option to me, was to keep going. To keep going with Him. Every single time, being shown that His ways are greater. That with Him can I overcome anything that comes my way. And each and every single time it would lead me to something better in my life, that wouldn't have been there if I didn't push through, have those hard times, and trust. Each time, my love for Him would grow. I would strengthen. I would receive. And have a continuance of comfort and happiness. The only way I have come to know how great our God is, is never leaving Him during my times of weakness, times of un-sureties, times of anger and lack of understanding. With Him am I truly happy. The more I served the happier I was.  The more I tried, the better I became. The more I was helped, the more I wanted to share. I blogged with no shame or fear of my trials and conviction to my Father in Heaven. I started traveling to speak at firesides several times a week, while working full time. I got endowed in 2012 and just 2 weeks after I did, I started working as an ordinance worker in the Provo Temple on the only night I had free for myself. And the way the story goes for me, it wasn’t until I was doing everything I could and magnifying all the opportunities that arose-whether they were planned and wanted, or by surprise and

doubted- that I met him. That I met Ben. My companion. My best friend. My biggest support.   

“...I am finally becoming the person Heavenly Father wanted me to become all along. My best self meant for you. In 1 week I leave behind my family. In 1 week I leave behind the only way of living that I know of...everything is so different, and I have to just continue to be led by the spirit no matter how hard or lonely it is. ...I wish I knew you right now. I wish you were here with me as I go through all of this...When you read this our wait is finally over because it seems so far away right now. ...But I'm glad you are here now. I'm glad that I never have to be alone again.” (Letter To Husband, 2010)

Life is hard, but oh so beautiful. Forget not whose hands we’re in. Forget not that you are not meant to just ‘get by’, but to give you the absolute best ever created. Forget not that His ways are always better and how comforting to know He knows us better then we know ourselves. Never should it be about what you don’t have or haven’t gotten yet. Don’t let it be about what you don’t know, or can’t do. Embrace what comes your way, especially that which you didn't initially invision for yourself.  Trust. Allow Him to show you how great our God is. Do not be ashamed or embarrassed. And more then anything, do not think you cannot do this. Do not let giving up be an option. Focus on Him, knowing that you will be blessed with the best ever created. What you know and what you have is enough for His help and guidance. You are always worthy of your God’s love. Prioritize. Turn to Him. Experiment. Act. Focus. Commit. Try. Hold on. Embrace and receive.

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For those of you who don't know how we met, watch this video, HERE.
The both of us started a family blog as well, so if you'd like the behind the scenes, everyday kind of stuff, updates on us, follow our blog: WaysOfTheCarraways.blogspot.com ! AND! You can watch our Wedding Video here:

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"Tattooed Mormon"

GET THIS BLOG POST AS AN MP3! Click HERE to listen to my Voice Recording of this post & Download for FREE

Boy have I been kept busy! A good kind of busy. March Madness doesn't just apply to basketball, but to me & speaking at Firesides. I've been traveling all over speaking at least 4 times a week- which has really reflected on my lack of blog posts. Now that I've healed from surgery & have caught my breath from my travels, adjusted to my schedule, I promise I will not go this long without a post. A lot of new subscribers & emails have come from my feature in LDS Living Magazine, as well as Deseret News, in response to having a hard time feeling like they do not fit in. Feeling that they are judged for their mistakes. Want to return but are worried what others may think. Or others who have become offended & do not want to return.

Let me share with you a story that I tell during my firesides that everyone gasps out of shock to. An experience that happened to me- due to my appearance- that when I say it everyone reacts  the way I did when it happened. Although, truth be told, if it wasn't me telling the story to them, it could of very well been any of them that did the same thing as this man did. 

This happened 3 years ago; my very first day in Utah. After the long, uncomfortable and terrifying trek across the country by myself to a new place where I didn't know a single person. I moved, against my will, because I knew that's what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. I moved regardless of how hard it was & regardless of the fact I had no idea why I needed to be here. And I was scared. Not just because it was new, but because of the warnings I received from so many people. 'Al, don't move to Utah. No one will like you. Al, if you move to Utah, you will NOT fit in." That was really hard to hear and I tried my hardest to ignore those remarks.   

So here I am, my very first day across the country in my new home, and what am I suppose to do now? I haven't the slightest idea. Heavenly Father didn't tell me that much yet, haha. I ended up at Cafe Rio- we don't have those back home- and you have to know I have a thing for tacos. So, you have to visualize this, you know how the line kind of snakes around, so you are in a big group of people while waiting? Well, I was right in the middle of it. And I was holding a church book in my hands. It was more of a grasp/hug to this book; it was a biography on one of the prophets. And while I was waiting in line I felt very tense. I could feel stares in every direction; it felt like lasers. I stood there stiff trying to ignore it but I couldn't. I could physically feel the stares from everyone. Finally, the guy next to me tapped my on the arm and said, "You know...it's pretty ironic you look the way you do holding that book." 

My heart broke. Stomach knotted. Eyes teary.

It took a bit for me to react. So many emotions ran through me, and I had to decide which one I was going to express to him. What I so badly wanted to do was to turn to him, and yell. Yell & cry to him, "Do you know what I just went through?! Do you know how hard this is! Do you know who- and what- I had to give up to be here, and I don't even know why!"  

How badly I wanted to walk around everywhere with my scriptures so that the 'lasers' would stop. And they didn't. I so badly wanted people to see me for who I've become. I literally craved more than anything for people to just know that I was trying. That's it. That I was trying. And they couldn't, and it hurt me so badly that it became physically exhausting. 

How easy it would have been to yell at him. How easy it would have been to get mad. To get offended.  How easy it would have been to not just take it out on him, or the people of the city as a whole. But furthermore, how easy it would have been to be upset & confused towards Heavenly Father for leading me to such a place with so many lack of answers, answers that would have been very comforting during those experiences that so frequently occurred. How hard it was at this time to have just been baptized, still with such a small sliver of knowledge of the gospel & feel that.  To not have any boys talk to me because they are looking for temple worthy girls. Because they are looking for someone I do not exactly portray, that they didn't even talk to me.

Yeah- how easy it would have been to feel & react that way.

But I fought it. I decided otherwise.

I turned to this man in Café Rio. Introduced myself. Shook his hand. I smiled so big and simply said, “I just got baptized, this is my first day here!” I said it with happiness. I said it with pride. With confidence.

How different things would have gone if I didn't do that.

I had to make a decision. And it’s a decision I have to make every day. One you have to make every day. Several times a day. And what that is, to choose to get mad. Choose to get offended. Bothered. Confused. Or….not.

The decision to keep going. The decision to be happy and follow the spirit & counsel given….or not. Chose to have faith. Choose to trust. Or not. What it came down to- and what it alwayswill come down to- is choose God. Or not.

And I already chose who I wanted to follow, didn't I?

That is what happens when you get baptized.

To keep in mind, always, that everyone is at different spots in life. Everyone needs to learn different things, different ways. And to know, that I could maybe be the one to help them learn. That you could be. To not get mad and prove them right, but to be me and prove otherwise. It’s a question I often thought of following my baptism & my family’s disapproval, and that is, “How do you teach someone that doesn't want to listen?’ ‘How do you teach someone that you may never get to speak with or meet?’ And after much thought & prayer, I came up with an answer. An answer that inspired this blog to be started in the first place. An answer that inspire me to make Youtube videos. And answer that triggered my ‘March Madness’ traveling allover speaking for the past 2 years. And that is, by example. Teach by example. And what happiness that has brought! How many incredible people I have met because of that decision. How many incredible experiences! How many blessings.

When those times arise where you have to make that same decision I did, think to yourself, ‘is this worth giving up my eternal salvation?’ Is that comment your ward member said to you worth giving up your eternal happiness? Is that look someone just gave you worth giving up the profound, indescribable blessings Heavenly Father has to give to you? Is it worth stopping yourself from returning to live with Him again? Is it worth your exaltation?

To all those that feel that they do not fit in, I tell you with confidence, that you’re wrong. To all those who are afraid to return because of past mistakes, I say, Come! To all those who sit there offended and holding yourselves back, I ask, is it still worth it?

This gospel is for you. These blessings & promises are for you. You belong a part of this.  This- what we’re a part of- is real. What you do does make a difference. His ways- His promises- are worth it. And how grateful I am that I decided to keep going. How grateful I am that I made the decision to trust. The decision to have faith. How grateful I am for the decision to choose God. I do not have words adequate enough to express my gratitude I have for how I feel. For who I have become. For what my life is today. It would not be have I not made those decisions. 

Choose. Choose Daily. Choose God. 


Listen to my Interview on The Cultural Hall in Response to this post: Find out the guy at Cafe Rio's reaction was HERE. 

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MP3 Now Available for My Blog Posts!

Last week I had a great opportunity to spend some time in the Recording Studio to voice record my blog posts! I'll post them on here to listen to, but they will also be available for Free Downloads on Soundcloud.
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UPDATES:
MP3 for "Wait For Your Manger" is now Available to Listen & Download for FREE. Click Here.

MP3 for "Refocus" is now Available to Listen & Download for Free. Click Here.

MP3 for "Fully & Completely' is now Available to Listen & Download for Free. Click Here. 

MP3 for "This is Not Our Home" is now Available to Listen & Download for Free. Click Here.

MP3 for 'My Testimony Dare' is now available to Listen & Download for Free. Click here.


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